The View from a Very Distant Lawnchair

The View from a Very Distant Lawnchair
By T.J.

About 14 months ago, your humble ink-stained wretch left the infamous voicemail on Capt. Thompson's box about just how heavenly it was to be at BNAC 2002. Now Capt. Thompson has been to BNAC 2003, and he knows I didn't lie about the quality of the people and the quantity of fun.

This year I was hoist on my own petard. Making the call to cancel was unbelievably difficult. I did reside in a NSYC lawn chair for a while, but with 110-degree heat indices, no wind, no boats, and no Buccs and Mutts, it just wasn't the same. Now I sit in the trailer hearing reports of events piece by piece, and 99% of them are fun and funny. What a hoot this must have been.

There are so many things I missed. Captain Boy and Kat Booger at the helm while Dads crewed. Food and ale in abundance. Wet fishes to the head. Sea Stories beyond number. Capt. Uncle Jim and his helicopter rides. The Coffeehouse talent performances and the Parley on the river.

I lift up this "missing" to lurkers on the e-list and to all BCA members who have never attended. Whatever your level of skill or unskill, it doesn't matter. The key is simply to be there. The Lawn Chair Fleet will always welcome you. Start planning now. Save the butter-and-egg money. Garage sales are nice. Knocking over rural convenience stores, while criminal behavior, can be profitable.

To ease any concerns amongst campers, there is no truth to the rumor that Captain Thompson and I plan to pitch tents around a tent we don't like and have a week-long Snore-Off. This would violate both the Geneva Conventions and the "cruel and unusual punishment" section of the Constitution. I am also told that a sound of that decibel level is clear grounds for "justifiable homicide" in Grapevine.

Regarding my telephone call to Capt. Thompson 14 months ago? I am reminded of the sage wisdom of Juan Bob Gonzalez here at the trailer park. After seeing "Forrest Gump," he said to the group assembled, "Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do and say today might burn your butt tomorrow."